The Process of Healing

Photo by   Steve Halama   on   Unsplash

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

What does it mean to heal? I’ve been thinking—and feeling—a lot about the healing process lately. I noticed that in the last nine months, I’ve been so absorbed in creating my business, teaching classes, and paying the bills that I’ve dropped several major components of an ongoing process of healing. I prioritized paying off my credit card, selling art, and finding more teaching opportunities, all the while neglecting a huge portion of my inner work.

In the last week, that lack of maintenance has become so loud I can no longer ignore it. My survival habits—the ones I developed as an infant and small child in order to get my needs met—are in full swing. In this state, I become the kid who only knows to fight fire with fire. To expect everything to be a psychic game. To wear a veneer of perfection, so busy I can barely think, while suffering with decades of unexpressed outrage underneath it all. Ironically, nobody can see this part of me except for those I trust most. I have worked hard to examine and release these behaviors over the years; I thought I had resolved them!

It turns out, healing from trauma is not something that gets completed, and then a person is perfect and moves on to other things. Just as many scars don’t ever fully disappear, our invisible wounds from childhood leave residue. But—as I’ve so profoundly witnessed this week—neglecting our wounds can cause them to rip open anew, cause hurt to others, and turn our emotional lives upside-down. Still, with care, attention, and persistence, our scars can become fainter. In fact, we can actually rewire our brains.

It is becoming crystal clear is that it’s only possible to heal these wounds and tend to these scars when I am actively maintaining my inner work. For me, that means regular yoga, meditation, therapy, and kinesiology. There is no pause button. No putting it on hold. No waiting until my schedule clears up or I have the money for it. Because my health is a priority. Because I honor myself. Because when I do the inner work, I can serve my community with total energy and love.

Today, as I get my priorities straight and reclaim my right to pursue healing, I offer permission for us to be messy. To accept all parts of ourselves. Let us embrace the shadow and the light with tenderness and compassion.

For the month of April, I invite you to create art that honors your whole self. Let it be sloppy, mismatched, lopsided. Create like nobody’s ever going to see it; allow yourself to witness without judgment, to surrender to the process. That’s what I’ll be doing.

Thank you for being bold, brave, heart warriors.

With love and gratitude,

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